EXECUTIVE HUMOR: FUNNY QUOTES FROM FORMER US PRESIDENTS

From witty one-liners to self-deprecating humor, these presidential quotes showcase the lighter side of American leadership.

Reminding us that even the most powerful figures can crack a joke.

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"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting."

—Ronald Reagan

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"My choice early in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference."

—Harry S. Truman

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"I don't know whether it's the finest public housing in America or the crown jewel of the federal prison system."

—Bill Clinton on the White House

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"I have opinions of my own—strong opinions—but I don't always agree with them."

—George H. W. Bush

"If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: 'President Can't Swim.'"

—Lyndon B. Johnson

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"I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself."

—Ronald Reagan

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"Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening."

—Bill Clinton

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"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."

—Richard Nixon

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"Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."

—Ronald Reagan

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"It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours."

—Harry S. Truman

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"If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog."

—Harry S. Truman

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"I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress."

—Ronald Reagan

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"Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it."

—Harry S. Truman

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"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'"

—Ronald Reagan

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"It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?"

—Ronald Reagan

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"I am not fit for this office and should never have been here."

—Warren G. Harding

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"If you can't convince them, confuse them."

—Harry S. Truman

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"I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli."

—George H. W. Bush

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"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."

—John F. Kennedy

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"I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born."

—Ronald Reagan

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"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I ever met."

—Abraham Lincoln (speaking about a political rival)

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"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'"

—Theodore Roosevelt

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"I have a secret for you: Don't smoke too much, don't drink too much, eat lightly, and get lots of sleep. And when you get up in the morning, if you don't feel just right, go back to bed."

—Calvin Coolidge